The Power Within Us ~ September 12, 2021
As you know, I've been dealing with some annoying physical issues for quite awhile now. It started with frozen shoulder in my right arm two years ago, then I developed frozen shoulder in my left arm. What didn't tell many people is that last fall I developed plantar fasciitis in my foot. Normally that is irritating rather than debilitating, but in my case, the frozen shoulders and limping from my foot impacted the way I move enough that by February it was causing problems in my lower back. I kept hoping it would all get better, but instead everything got worse. In early July my lower back seized up badly and since then I am in pain pretty much all the time.
In August I saw a physiotherapist who specializes in chronic joint pain. She said my shoulder capsules have shrunk by 40% and my SI joint (pelvic girdle) is twisted. The good news is that she is confident this can all be treated, the not so good news is that it will take awhile.
As I mentioned in my e-mail to the congregation last week, all of this led my doctor to recommend that I go on full medical leave until after Christmas. I'm in a lot of pain and I need to focus on resting and healing.
Needless to say, this was NOT my plan for the fall. My plan was to be working at least half time if not more, to be taking a leadership role as our church moved out of Covid and back to in person worship and activities and especially to be part of visioning process we'll be starting this fall. It's very frustrating to have so many restrictions on my body and to not be able to do the work I love.
As I reflected on all of that earlier this week, I realized that my situation mirrors where we are at as a church and even as a society. Less than a month ago we were all thinking we would be in a better place by this fall. Our assumption was that BC would be in stage 4 of Covid restrictions, we wouldn't have to wear masks anymore, we would be able to travel anywhere, meet in large groups, life would be just about back to normal, as much as possible.
In church, we assumed this first in person service would have no restrictions, no masks, lots of singing, coffee time & all the rest. We assumed we would be able to resume all our many groups like Bible study and choir and knitting in person.
Well, you know what they say about the word assume . . .
Here we are, vaccinated but still wearing masks, limited in our ability to gather in groups, dealing with restrictions we thought were over. Like me with my body, we're unsure when things will improve but hopeful that they will, wondering how to stay strong and faithful when we can't do many of the things that would normally sustain us. And really, we're getting fed up with not being able to just be the church the way we want to, the way we're used to.
We've held on for so long, we've been patient, we've been flexible and now we're tired of it. Seems like everyone's a little – or a lot-- crankier than usual.
So what do we do about it? How do we keep our faith and our spirits strong as individuals and as a church family, when we're feeling fed up and tired and cranky?
I've been really struggling with all of that. In midst of my struggle I reconnected with a woman in Whitehorse in a way that seemed Spirit driven to both of us. The woman's name is Nicole Edwards, she is a gifted singer, song writer and guitar player. I met her for the first time on Easter 2001. I was doing a baptism and the family asked if Nicole, a close family friend, could sing How Great Thou Art at the service.
I will never forget that service. Nicole got up to sing, a tiny woman, no accompaniment or microphone, and her voice filled the sanctuary. She sang with such power and joy, it gave me goosebumps.
Not long after that Nicole was diagnosed with scleroderma, a rare disease that involves the gradual hardening of skin and connective tissues. There is no cure, doctors told her they weren't sure how long she would live.
Nicole was barely 30, she had just reached her prime as a professional musician. The news was devastating. But Nicole decided she would make music as long as she could. After awhile she couldn't manage her guitar, so she focused on singing and song writing.
I would visit her in her little house in the woods, and while she had her down days, days when she cried, more often I was met with a cup of tea and a new song.
After we left the Yukon in 2009 I lost touch with Nicole, but this summer when I was struggling with my own physical issues, I thought of her, wondered if she was still alive, and looked her up. There was a website, full of her music.
I e-mailed her and she was happy to hear from me. She said she had been palliative for several years, but was still making music. Her latest venture was a Mindfulness toolbox, a collection of songs to help people through hard times --some meditative, some to help work out anger, some to inspire.
She said she feels those songs are her ministry, a way to share the love and inspiration she has experienced with others. Those songs were just what I needed. They have truly been a Godsend. There is a lot of wisdom in them that I think we need right now.
One song is called Breathe in Peace. Some of the words are “Breathe in peace, breath out worry. Breathe in healing, breathe out stress.” It is meant to help us slow down and feel the love of God in and around us. Another is called Love, Serve and Uplift, which speaks for itself. Together, I think those songs give us a plan, steps to follow in challenging times.
First we need to stop, breathe in peace, center ourselves in God's love. I don't know about you, but sometimes I feel overwhelmed by Covid and the challenges of my body, I can feel my brain spinning. Singing Breathe in Peace calms me, so I can listen for God's voice, I can think and see more clearly.
Once I am centered, then I can listen to Love, Serve and Uplift and think about how God is calling me to do those things. And it's okay if all I or you feel capable of right now is loving. The time to serve and uplift will come, and we'll know when it happens.
I e-mailed Nicole early this week to tell her how much her songs are helping me and to ask if I could share her story & music. She was thrilled to know her music was helping me and happy to have her story shared.
I feel Nicole is a wonderful example of the promise of Ephesians 3 at work, a promise that says: “God's power at work within us is able to accomplish abundantly far more than all we can ask or imagine.” Through Nicole's faith and music, God has truly accomplished abundantly in her far more than anything she ever asked or imagined when she was first diagnosed with scleroderma.
Ephesians also talks about the importance of Christ dwelling within us, even as we are rooted and grounded in God's love. That sense of God's love, God's presence within us is what can give us the power we need to get through times of challenge and change.
Writer Barbara Holmes describes that kind of love “not love as a warm and fuzzy feeling, but love as the animating force that holds us together.” Isn't that great? “Love is the animating force that holds us together.”
You may be wondering how all of this ties into the gospel reading for today, where Peter rebukes Jesus for talking about his death and Jesus says, “Get behind me Satan, for you are setting your mind not on divine things but on human things.” Sounds harsh!
The thing is, Jesus is trying to be realistic about the challenges he and the disciples are facing and Peter is trying to avoid that reality. That's something for us to think about right now. Through the summer we were a bit like Peter, Covid going away, things were going to be great!
Yet the evidence was there that it wasn't going away, at least not as much as we had hoped. Our faith calls us to be honest about what is happening in our lives and in our world, not to run away or pretend. That said, we also need time to breathe, time to recenter ourselves. It's okay to take a break from reading or watching the news and feeling like you have to respond to every issue, take action to solve every problem. Even Jesus took breaks from teaching and facing the world.
We need breaks to breathe, to renew our souls, refill our wells. But we also have to stay real, be honest about when we need to take a break and be equally honest about when it's time to go back and face reality, to do our part to help in the world, however small our part may feel.
I find Nicole's music offers a lovely guide to this process, reminding us that we need to move back and forth between “Breathe in Peace” and “Love, Serve and Uplift,” understanding that each piece, each theme, is equally important to living out our faith as children of God and followers of Jesus.
And whenever we feel overwhelmed, remember the promise of Ephesians, that God's power at work within us is able to accomplish abundantly far more than all we can ask or imagine. Amen