Karen Hollis | January 26, 2025 Epiphany 3/Thecla 3
Third Stage of Spiritual Transformation:
Two weeks ago, we encountered stage 1 with its intensity, that bright light of insight coming straight at us. In the second stage there is all this inner work to find a connection between where we are and the possibility we’ve discovered. In the third stage, there is clarity, the connection is complete, the possibility comes into focus, and a door opens. The challenge of this stage is to access the courage to walk through the door.
When I think about this stage in terms of light and shadow, I imagine being in a room that is only lit by the light coming through the open door. It’s not the intense light of stage 1, rather like one of those bright cloudy days, where the sunlight is diffused through a layer of high clouds that acts like a big lampshade, bringing in light from all directions. The relative darkness on the inside may seem darker than it really is by contrast. The contrast between the inner shadow and outer light highlights for me the vulnerability of this stage . . . the vulnerability of walking through that door and emerging into the light, holding fast to courage.
Courage, of course, is not a lack of fear – it is fear alongside action. I have a long relationship with courage. As one who was born into this world for some reason with a lot of fear, for as long as I can remember, I’ve had choices and made choices, to remain where I am, or hold hands with courage and walk into something new.
When I was accepted into seminary, I had to take a couple of introductory courses since my undergraduate degree was in the sciences, rather than humanities. I remember sitting in that first classroom, fleece zipped up to my chin, slouched in my seat with arms and legs crossed, barely breathing . . . but I was there. Holding hands with courage, I walked through the door, feeling scared, vulnerable, exposed, anxious . . . and a deep sense that I was in the right place.
My spiritual director sometimes talks about the Dread Angel. The Dread Angel describes those times where we are looking ahead to something like an event or an interaction, and all we feel is dread. Like we secretly hope that the world will end before that day comes so that we won’t have to face it. The Dread Angel tells us there is something important for us in what is coming, there is a gift waiting for us, a healing, a truth, the next stage in our transformation. The Dread Angel and the door are related in my mind – they draw our focus and represent both the risk and the gift waiting for us on the other side.
We’ll see what that looks like for Thecla in a minute. Here is a brief summary of where the stages of spiritual transformation will go from here.
Stage 4: Stage 4 is a pilgrimage that the new way of seeing compels us to take. The purpose is to unravel the old way of seeing the self and test our readiness to let go of the old way of seeing.
Stage 5: In the 5th stage, we are presented with a choice to either return to the old life or die to the old life and become something new. The process of death and new life gives us access to new internal resources or power that helps us navigate the new life.
Stage 6: The 6th stage is about owning the hard-won internal resources or power to care for the new self. In this stage we care for the self that was made available to us in our new circumstances. In this stage we learn to belong to ourselves.
Stage 7: In the 7th stage, we return to the place where the call first came, where we saw the brilliant light that startled us awake. We come back to that place, but this time we are our own self, rather than someone else’s expectation. We have come home, but are now home in ourselves and free in the truth that called us from within.
Scripture Readings
Luke 4:1-4
Jesus, full of the Holy Spirit, returned from the Jordan and was led by the Spirit in the wilderness, where for forty days he was tempted by the devil. He ate nothing at all during those days, and when they were over, he was famished. The devil said to him, ‘If you are the Son of God, command this stone to become a loaf of bread.’ Jesus answered him, ‘It is written, “One does not live by bread alone.”’
Thecla 9:2-3, 10:2-6 “And my daughter, like a spider in the window, also is bound to his words, held sway by new desire and fearful emotions. For the maiden fixates on the things he says and is captivated. But go to her and speak to her for she is betrothed to you.”
And Thamyris went to her, at once loving her and also fearing her passion. He said, “Thecla, my betrothed, why do you sit like this? What is the emotion that binds you in passion? Turn toward your Thamyris and be ashamed.” And her mother also said the same things to her, “Child, why do you look down and sit like this, answering nothing but acting like a mad person?” And they cried desperately - Thamyris for the loss of his wife, Theocleia for the loss of her child, and the maidservants for the loss of their mistress. So there was great confusion and mourning in the house. And while these things were happening, Thecla did not turn back, but was fixed to the word of Paul.
This text describes a pretty crunchy moment in this family. I know the way it’s written is a little overly dramatic. Before I begin my reflection, I just want to give you a heads up that as I unpack this text, I’m going to talk a bit about family dynamics. If it brings up stuff for you, I invite you to take care of yourself, whatever you need to do.
Reflection (Karen):
May the words of my mouth and the meditations of all our hearts be reflections of your word to us today, in Christ’s name we pray. Amen
You may be thinking: “how are we on stage 3 of 7 and Thecla is still sitting looking out the window?” I thought the same thing when I first went through the material. In the context of her story, a lot happens in a small amount of text. Last week we focused on the bridge-building of stage 2, with Thecla trying to bring this possibility of a life outside of the transactional system of love she was born into.
The transition moment in this particular story between stages 2 and 3 is subtle. It happens after the third day, when Thecla’s mother, Theoclia, is completely beside herself. She sends for Thamyris, Thecla’s fiance and tells him the so called “strange story” of Thecla’s behaviour. Here in stage 3, Thecla is finally clear within her. She has connected with unconditional love, her inner authority, and the deep desire of her soul. This inner world is so different from the one Thamyris and Theoclia are still operating out of, the world of conditional love, and systems of power that don’t seek consent. Thecla’s mission in stage 3 is to not get sucked back into this world. She sits there without reacting or responding to them. She has been trained, as many of us have, to follow the rules of the family. Stay in your role, don’t rock the boat, behave normally. When she stops behaving in the way her family expects, they absolutely lose it. All of us know how uncomfortable it can be when someone steps out of the normal family pattern. In response, people try to pull that person back into place and/or shift their own role or behaviour. It’s a lot for a family to go through.
When I look at Thecla’s silence, I want to qualify it. Her silence is about aligning with herself, not abandoning herself. This is different from a defiant silence . . . which is a common strategy for a 17 year old – I’m sure I used it once or twice. She’s not using silence as a power move within the system of conditional love; rather, she is stepping outside the system. As a member of a family, I think it takes a huge amount of courage for Thecla to stand with herself, as the household wails and cries and carries on around her. A huge amount of courage. She is so clear, and metaphorically steps through that door when she does not abandon herself.
I’ve experienced this stage many times in my life. I think we engage this cycle of spiritual transformation on many levels and may be in one stage in one aspect of life and a different stage in another aspect of life. This isn’t a tidy and straightforward process. I think I went through stage 3 yesterday when Joanne, Karen Spencer, and I convened a group to talk about leadership in the church using a tool called the Circle Way. When I learned about this tool, this way of hosting a conversation, it was like a bright light and I had to learn about it. For months I tried to figure out a context for hosting a circle, and I just couldn’t find clarity. Finally, I asked the council to help and Karen and Joanne stepped forward. Even through our planning process I didn’t have a good sense of what it would be like or what it would require of me. Sitting in the circle yesterday was an experience of walking through the door. When I felt the discomfort in the room, I held onto courage and resisted the temptation to return to a normal meeting structure to make everyone more comfortable, I trusted the circle process and stuck to the plan. When it was over, I told myself I did the thing. I walked through the door. On the other side of the door there is a pilgrimage of learning waiting for me, there is deconstruction and reconstruction as I learn to hold space for people and host conversations in a new way, welcoming discomfort.
You know who was really good at that? Jesus. I did a little wondering this week . . . how did he become the person he was at the end of his life? What was the path like on his way to public ministry?
We don’t know the story of his aha moment when he realized his call, we don’t know what it looked like for him to begin to look at his life differently and try to build a bridge between where he was and where he was going. Here at stage 3, I can begin to pair the stages of spiritual transformation with the written stories of Jesus’ life. After his baptism, Jesus is sent out into the wilderness to fast and pray and be tempted. He steps through the door and begins. After 40 days, when he was famished, when he is physically at his weakest, his tempter suggests that he use his God given gifts to conjure up some food. Even as his body struggles, I can imagine him holding on to courage, remaining in his clarity, remaining aligned in himself and aligned with God in his identity and his purpose. If he can’t stand in his truth in the presence of his tempter, he probably won’t get very far with the religious leaders or the people he will serve. His path of ministry includes many voices of criticism, many roadblocks and powerful people who tell him he’s a fraud, that he’s wrong. Stronger and truer than those influences is his inner knowing and God’s life in him.
Now that you’ve heard how this stage can look in some different contexts, I invite us to move into Open Space, to this time of personal reflection and engagement. For open space today, we have . . .
Open Space
Questions for reflection
Candles and Rocks
Write Prayers – those online, email prayer requests to minister@comoxunitedchurch.com during the 8 min.
Write on paper door: inner resources that accompany or support courage, tape your door to the door that leads into the hall.
Questions for Reflection
Where does your courage live inside you?
What’s it like for you to walk through the door of possibility?
What are you turning toward in this season?